Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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