Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
