Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
50% drunk capacity currently
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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