I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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