i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize