wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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