you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
