PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
