i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
