i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
