upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
