So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
