so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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