i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
