Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
