Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
