Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize