I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize