You smell like a Billy Joel song
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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