Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
