mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just puked most of my soul out..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
