i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
