textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
