my mouth tastes like poor choices
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
