I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
