dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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