final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
