I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I intend to get homeless drunk
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
