I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
