upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
