I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
