i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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