I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
