Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
