he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
