okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
