If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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