Plan B is the new Plan A
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize