she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
