Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
