I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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