It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
sex in a hospital.. check
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
