If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
