That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
How does one acquire holy water?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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