I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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