your thong is hanging out like whoa
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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