she was so not down for the gang bang
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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