So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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