True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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