so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
