i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
