Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
