Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
