Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
