We named our party play list daddy issues
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
