I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
