I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize