his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
