so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
