i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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