I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
