I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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