my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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