it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
