it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
