marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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