i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
