1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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