There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
