I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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