We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
