we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
