Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This is my gift to your gina
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
